Here is Clay and Maggie's first meeting from Find You in the Dark, only told from Clay's perspective! Enjoy!
The First Day of School ~
Clay~
“Time to get up!”
Ruby's voice called in from the hallway. I groaned and pulled the
covers over my head. Fuck me! I was functioning on less than four
hours of sleep and felt like shit. Maybe if I ignored her, Ruby
would forget I was even here.
I should have known
better.
“Wake up, Clayton! You
don't want to be late on your first day of school!” My aunt's sing
song voice, normally almost soothing to me, was grating as hell at
6:45 in the morning.
Six forty-fucking-five in
the god damn fucking morning!
“I'm up.” The words
were muffled through the flannel of my comforter. Slowly I pulled
the blanket back and stared at the ceiling. It was my first day of
school in Virginia. First day of my own personal hell. Welcome to
the Thunderdome, baby.
I didn't waste too much
time lying there, knowing Ruby would come bursting through the door
if she didn't hear me getting up. So I slowly put my feet on the
floor and stretched out my body. Scrubbing my hands through my
overly long, dark hair, I tried to quell the nerves in my stomach.
Looking around the room, I
realized I had become a stranger in my own life. I hadn't been to
Virginia since I was a kid and now I was, living here. With a woman
who I didn't really know that well, about to go to a brand new
school. I didn't know anyone. Christ, I barely knew myself. I
didn't hold out any hope that this place would be any different than
the one I had just left. Same shit, different zip code.
Lord knows I sure as hell
didn't feel any different. I still felt like a fucking mess inside.
Four months in psychiatric treatment didn't do shit. Sure, I'd been
given a fancy label for the crazy crap going on in my head. Bi-polar
disorder. Borderline Personality. They were just words.
Definitions for a less than normal person.
Because normal was
something I didn't think I'd ever be.
Normal sounded wonderful
though. Most people would rather die than feel ordinary. Kids my
age were striving to become something unique. They wanted to be
their own individual, completely different. But I'd give anything to
blend in. To feel like for once, I was just like everyone else.
I lifted the plastic
bottle from my bedside table. I shook it, hearing the sound of the
pills jangling around. They were supposed to be the answer I needed
to fix the ugliness inside me. I was supposed to be taking them
twice a day, probably for the rest of my life.
But I hated them. I hated
the dulling of my thoughts. The way my limbs felt heavy and hard to
move. I hated that all I wanted to do was sleep my life away rather
than live it.
If that was my magic cure,
then I'd keep on fucking looking. Because it sure as hell wasn't in
the bottle in my hands.
I felt the anger rise up
out of my very dark place. I threw the bottle across the room,
watching it hit the window with a satisfying smack. The bottle was
still intact. Damn it.
“Clay! If you don't get
in the shower, I'm coming in and getting you!” I heard someone
threaten from outside my door. I cringed, recognizing Ruby's
girlfriend, Lisa. I'd better get a move on, because knowing her,
she'd actually do it.
Whereas Ruby was full of
happy, sparkles and kittens, Lisa was hard and firm. And I did not
want to mess with the bad ass biker lady, poised ready to come
through my door and drag me into the shower.
I grabbed my robe and
threw open the door to find Lisa standing there, her arms crossed
over her chest, a scowl on her face. “I'm on it.” I said, moving
passed her down the hallway. Lisa was extremely intimidating, but I
sensed a softness beneath the hard exterior. I didn't know Lisa that
well, even though she and Ruby had been together for five years.
Ruby was my mom's older
sister. Once upon a time, Ruby and my mother had been close (as
close as anyone could be to my mom). She used to come down to
Florida for Christmas and in the summer. But that had all changed
when I was around twelve years old. I had been too young at the time
to understand what “coming out” meant.
I figured it out later
that Ruby had finally admitted to my parents that she was a lesbian
and had fallen in love and moved in with a woman named Lisa. My
parents had immediately cut off communication. My father, a
conservative Republican, had no place for “alternative lifestyles”
in his family. My mom was just a judgmental bitch who would rather
cut off her family than face a life choice that was different than
hers.
I couldn't think about my
parents without feeling rage. Rage and hurt and a twinge of hate.
They were my parents in DNA only. They had made it perfectly clear
that they were through with me. That they were tired of my “issues”
and that's why they had shipped me to Virginia.
I had embarrassed them.
Humiliated them in front of their friends. I had forced them to face
a side of me that they had tried to deny for so long. So they had
thrown me into a hospital until I was deemed okay to
leave. Then they sent me here. With nothing more than some clothes
in a suitcase.
I knew
they hated me if my mother was willing to talk to her black sheep of
a sister in order to get rid of me. I had only arrived three days
ago. I had been discharged from the hospital and a car picked me up,
the driver gave me my plane ticket and I touched down in Washington
D.C three hours later.
No
call, no letter, nothing from my parents but a second hand message
from a complete stranger that I was going to live with my Aunt Ruby
for an indefinite amount of time. I knew Ruby had spoken to my
mother since I had arrived, but I hadn't. Not that I particularly
wanted to. But that little boy inside of me that longed for a
mother's affection, ached with the knowledge that my own parents, the
people who had given me life, wanted nothing to do with me.
Well,
there was a fucking depressing thought for first thing in the
morning. Way to start the day, asshole!
I thought to myself harshly.
I
got in the shower, going through the motions, without really thinking
about them. Back in my room, I went through the clothes in my
suitcase that lay open on the floor. I hadn't bothered to unpack
yet. Mostly because I was too busy being depressed and angry to
think about getting my life into some sort of a routine.
So I
threw on the first clean pair of clothes that I found, a pair of
jeans and a gray t-shirt. I picked up my army jacket and headed out
the door. Putting my arms through the familiar sleeves, was a
strange sort of comfort. I had gotten the beat up jacket at Goodwill
in Miami. My mom had hated it. So of course I loved it. I wore it
every god damn day.
“There
you are.” Ruby said, smiling as I entered the kitchen. The room
was warm, with sun coming through the stained glass window above the
sink. My aunt stood at the stove, cooking a pile of eggs. “Sit,
eat.” She said, setting a plate with eggs and toast down at the
table.
“I
don't normally eat breakfast.” I told her, looking at the food in
mild disgust. Taking my medicine killed my appetite. The thought of
eating right now made me feel faintly sick to my stomach. Yet
another reason, I refused to take the the pills this morning. Not
eating wasn't normal. And damn it, I'd be normal any way I could.
“Well,
just try. You can't go to school on an empty stomach.” Ruby said
as though I were a small child. She handed me a steaming mug. The
liquid inside was unidentifiable. I sniffed it hesitantly. I never
knew what my new age aunt would try to foist on me. Just yesterday
she insisted I drink a tea infused with angelica root to try and
purge my negative aura. It had made me want to puke.
“What
is it?” I asked, peering into the cup. Ruby patted my back.
“It's
Earl Grey, silly.” I let out a sigh of relief.
“With
a few drops of St. John's Wort essential oil for positive mood.”
Ruby added as she went over to get her own mug of tea. I sat the
drink down on the table. Lisa came in as I was pushing my eggs
around on my plate. She poured me a cup of coffee and I gave her a
small, but grateful smile.
“Thanks.”
I said, drinking it in two gulps.
Ruby
was humming under her breath as she cleaned up the kitchen. Lisa sat
down beside me and started going through the paper. “Did you take
your pill?” She asked me, without looking up. I grit my teeth. It
was going to be hard to get anything passed her. Ruby seemed pretty
oblivious to a lot of things. But Lisa was shrewd. And smart.
Which might make my life a hell of a lot more difficult.
“Yeah.”
I lied effortlessly. I had grown used to lying. I lied often, and
without guilt. But the level stare Lisa tossed my way, made me
swallow thickly. I started to pick at a healing scab on the
underside of my arm. Something I often did when I felt agitated. I
ran my fingertip along the rough edge of the cut. It was straight
and precise. Made with a confident hand. Made to hurt and forget
all at the same time.
“Just
make sure you do. Your medicine helps you. You don't want to end up
back at the hospital, do you?” She asked me, taking a sip of her
coffee, but never looking away from me. Her eyes followed my fingers
anxiously picking at the scab on my arm and I immediately stopped the
nervous movement. I pressed my hand to the table top, trying to stop
myself from picking.
“Uh,
no. Definitely not.” I agreed. Fuck. This lady most certainly
had my number. And I felt oddly reassured by that. I wasn't used to
anyone really giving a crap about me. No one had ever taken the time
to care about about how and what I was doing. But these two women
were making it clear that they
did.
I felt an unaccustomed
relief that was startling in its intensity.
Lisa laid a hand on top of
my clenched one. “Take care of yourself, Clay.” She said softly
before moving her hand away and returning to the paper.
I didn't know what to do
with the warm feelings that sentiment gave me. So I got to my feet
and carried my plate to the sink. Ruby put her arm around my waist
and gave me a squeeze. I froze. Physical affection was really weird
for me. Again, it wasn't something I was used to. But Ruby hugged
me without wanting anything in return. Unconditional love was new to
me. And made me feel really uncomfortable.
I moved away from my aunt.
“I'd better get going.” I said, reaching for the messenger bag
that hung on a hook on the wall.
Ruby handed me a few
papers. “Don't forget to stop by the office and check in when you
get there. They'll give you your schedule. Good luck.” She gave
me a wide smile. I tried to smile back, but my lips didn't appear to
be working. Good luck. Yeah, I'd be needing a lot of that.
Lisa waved as I grabbed my
car keys and headed out the door. The day was warm. Not Florida
warm, but still nice. I hadn't seen much of Davidson since I had
arrived. But it seemed like a quiet town, with not a lot going on.
Which was a nice change from the overly frenetic energy of Miami.
I was glad to leave the
mayhem behind and maybe settle into a nice quiet life here. If that
were possible. My fingers moved to my scabbed arms again. A
constant reminder that I was only deluding myself. Nice, quiet,
normal. Those words weren't in my vocabulary. And I didn't think
they ever would be.
I unlocked my five series
BMW with a sort of twisted loathing. I hated the car. I hated
everything it represented. Because my parents had given it to me on
my sixteenth birthday. They loved to play at being the perfect,
doting parents in front of their friends and associates. And that
was the entire point of that useless piece of metal. It was a
statement. It said, “see what great parents we are? We gave our
son this awesome car!” It made me sick.
They had shipped the car
here a while ago. Apparently, they had planned on me coming to
Virginia way before I had known about it. Ruby had said it had
arrived three months ago. While I was still on lock down in the
Miami General psych ward.
But I needed wheels, so I
was kind of stuck. No way I'd drive Ruby's VW bug with the whacked
out bumper stickers reading “break for my broom” and “my karma
is my dogma.” I didn't want to come across as a complete pussy.
I headed toward Jackson
High School. I was nervous. I could admit that. Though I shouldn't
be. This wasn't the first time I'd be the new kid at school. I had
changed schools three times in the last six years. Usually when my
behavior got me expelled and my parents were forced to find me a new
private school to attend. I never lasted long. Self-destruction was
my middle name. And walking the straight and narrow was not what I
did.
I wondered, with humorless
amusement, how long I'd last here.
I pulled into the parking
lot and stared up at the brick building. This was my first time at
public school. And I did not want
to go inside. I wonder if I could get away with skipping on my first
day? But I thought about Ruby and Lisa and how much they were
putting themselves out to let me live with them. And for once, I
felt a little guilt. And a realization that my actions would
affect others.
Huh.
Maybe I had learned something in all of that therapy.
I
finished listening to the song on my stereo, drumming my fingers on
the steering wheel. I was already late, might as well enjoy my
music. I watched other students scramble toward the school. Like a
bunch of mice, scurrying inside. I was going to hate it here. I
just knew it. I didn't fit in with these small town, walking talking
stereotypes. Who the fuck was I kidding?
But I
wasn't there to make friends. I'd had enough of people pretending to
like me for one life time. This time I'd stay the fuck to myself.
The fewer people to get involved in my life the better. I didn't
need the fake sympathy and then the more obvious disgust when they
realized how messed up I really was. I had been used by people my
entire life and I didn't want any more of that.
I
just needed to get through the year. Graduate. Then move the fuck
on. My life would be own. I turned 18 in March. Then my parents
could go fuck themselves, because I would be making decisions for me.
I had
worked myself up pretty well by the time I finally got out of the
car. I was feeling good and pissed as I grabbed my bag and the
papers Ruby had given me and headed toward the school. I had no idea
where I was going.
I
stopped in the middle of the side walk and started going through the
papers, trying to find the name of the administrator I would have to
speak with. I dreaded having to walk through those door. Dreaded
having to start this whole living thing all over again.
Then
it felt like a damn wrecking ball smacked into my back. I stumbled
forward and dropped the papers I was holding. My temper immediately
flared. My head started to buzz and my fists clenched. I was ready
to take someone's fucking head off!
“What
the fuck?!” I growled, reaching down to pick my papers up off the
ground. I started to cuss. A lot. Fuck, shit, god damn it! They
all came out of my mouth like verbal weapons. Aimed at the asshole
who had yet to apologize for knocking into me.
I
straightened up and looked down at a girl who was fitting a piece of
plastic onto the back of her phone. She hadn't bothered to look up
at me and I couldn't really see her face. Long, brown hair hung
around her, eyes trained down to the object in her hands.
“Oh,
I'm sorry. Did I miss the stop sign?” She asked sarcastically. I
almost laughed. Was she serious? I didn't know if I should be angry
or amused. Though she still hadn't looked up and her rudeness
started to piss me off again.
“Guess
it's too much to expect an apology.” I said through clenched teeth.
I was goading her. I wanted her to look at me. The fact that she
hadn't yet, bothered the shit out of me.
“Probably.”
She answered offhandedly, finally looking up. And when she did, I
swear the air left my lungs. Who the hell was this girl? She was
fucking gorgeous. Her long, brown hair hung down her back in a slick
stream. Her wide, brown eyes blinked at me as though she were
startled by my appearance. Thick bangs covered her forehead and her
perfect nose scrunched in annoyance, once she got herself together.
I felt
my hands grow slick and I shoved them into the pockets of my jacket.
My heart was hammering in my chest and I couldn't stop staring at
her. God, I must look like a damn psycho leering at her like that.
Her face and neck were flushed and her chest rose and fell heavily.
I tried not to stare at her chest as it moved. But my eyes drifted
there anyway.
Christ!
I was ogling some strange girl's chest in front of the school! Get
it together, man!
I
fixed my eyes back on her face and watched as her jaw clenched. She
was angry...and really hot.
I
closed my eyes, trying to get myself under control. No friends! No
social interaction! That was my mantra! I had to remember it. No,
I was going to have to force myself to stay away from this girl.
Whoever she was.
But
then what do I do? Like an idiot, I try to find a way to keep
talking to her. Like she was my new drug of choice and I couldn't
get enough.
I had
known this girl for all of thirty seconds and I was already ready to
follow her to the edge of the earth and back. Yep, I was insane.
But I knew that already. Nothing new there.
The
girl gave me a funny look and started to walk passed me without
another word. But I had to stop her. I needed to! “Well, you
could at least tell me where the main office is. You know, after
practically running me over and all.” I said to her retreating
back, hoping like hell she'd turn back around. Just so I could see
her face again.
But
she didn't look at me again. She kept moving toward the school as
though I had already become an after thought. “You're a big boy,
I'm sure you can handle this one on your own.” She called over her
shoulder. I couldn't help but watch the way her hips swayed as she
moved.
“Thanks
for nothing!” I yelled after her, annoyed that I was so bothered by
the fact that she had completely blown me off. Isn't that what I
wanted? To be left alone?
She
didn't respond, disappearing inside the school. And I stared after
her.
Damn,
I was in trouble.
