********
~Jordan~
“Hey Jordan.” I grit my teeth at
the breathy voice on the other end of the phone. That's what I get
for not paying attention to the caller ID before I
answered it. I had been dodging Liv's calls for a few weeks now. I
felt like we had said all we needed to say. I knew she just wanted
the drama and I was not into that at all.
After that night of
the mixer, I bit the bullet and ended whatever relationship she and I
still had right then and there. Yeah, maybe it was a bit dick of me,
but I couldn't have her thinking that there was any hope we'd be
together again. Particularly after being in that bathroom with
Maysie.
Olivia
had blamed Maysie for all of it. Which was bullshit. She knew it, I
knew it. We hadn't been together since
May. We had made the decision to spend time apart, see where that
led us. I should have cut the proverbial cord then, no questions
asked, no misunderstanding. But when you're with someone for such a
significant part of your life, it was fucking hard as hell to put the
fork in it. No matter how dysfunctional the whole thing had become.
But then I had met
Maysie. And touched Maysie. And tasted Maysie. And there was no
going back to Olivia. I told her when she got back for the summer
that we were over. But she had begged me. Pleaded that I couldn't
leave her. She threw a bunch of shit in my face about our history
and the fact that she was going through a tough time after her
grandfather died in the spring. That she needed me. I shouldn't
have caved. I knew that I wanted to be with someone else. I told
Liv that I had met someone.
So, long story
short, she hung onto the dead horse of our non-existent relationship
while I tried not to run like a little bitch to Maysie and beg her to
have me. She was being cool and distant and part of me knew that I
should respect that. But that louder, more insistent part of me was
like FUCK THAT! So I made my move.
In the worst
possible scenario. But I made it. I couldn't handle it anymore.
And I knew for those few minutes that she was into me. I mean,
really into me. And I felt like I had won the fucking lottery. But
then that goddamn friend of Olivia's busted in and then Maysie was
running away.
I felt like I saw
Maysie's back more often than her front. I couldn't get her to stay
long enough to work through anything. And that was frustrating. But
it made me want to chase her down until she had no where to go. And
didn't want to.
I felt like shit
that Olivia thought I was going behind her back with Maysie. I hated
that she found out the way that she did that Maysie was that someone
I had met over the summer. I knew Liv and Maysie were sisters and I
didn't want to be the source of what would most likely become a very
awkward situation.
After her round of
bitch wrestling, I laid it all out for Olivia. I was done playing
nice. I let her know in no uncertain terms that my heart was with
Maysie. I wanted to be with Maysie. The “discussion” with
Olivia turned into her yelling and me trying to calm her down. Then
she started crying and it sort of deteriorated from there. When she
picked up my Gretsch guitar, the one my uncle bought me when I was
fourteen, and smashed it against the wall, I had had enough
I had gotten my
keys and left, thinking that was the end of it.
I should have known
better.
Even
though I had stayed away from the Pi Sig house for the last two
weeks, I couldn't avoid an ex-girlfriend who was insistent on being
seen. She waited for me after class, called my phone constantly. I
started avoiding the commons and library. Thank fucking Christ for
Garrett and his open door policy because I was close to losing my
damn mind.
And maybe I wasn't
being fair in not letting Olivia say her piece. But I was of the
understanding that we were all talked out. What else was there to
say?
Because when I
wasn't at school, or hiding out at Garrett's I was doing some
stalking of my own. I waited for Maysie outside her apartment
several times a week. I couldn't get a read on her schedule, so I
just started showing up at random times.
Her friend Riley,
who I had mad respect for, was okay with it at first. But as time
wore on, she finally told me to leave her roommate alone. That had
sucked. Because I didn't want to leave Maysie alone. Maybe I should
just call her.
But it was too easy
to ignore a phone call. I wanted to see Maysie face to face. I
needed her to see me when I laid it all out at her feet. I was
feeling desperate and that was something I wasn't used to.
By the end of week
two, I was at Garrett's house. I was expecting the guys back anytime
to start practice. We had a gig tomorrow night and wanted to nail
down our set. Hanging out with my band mates was just the break that
I needed. None of the guys went to Rinard. They were all locals who
happened to have a mutual love of hard, kick ass rock.
When I hung out
with them, I wasn't Jordan Levitt, Frat president, Mr. Popular,
ex-boyfriend to Olivia Peer. I was just another guy, banging on the
drums to the noise around him. And it felt freaking great. I liked
the guy I was when I was here at Garrett's. Because I was really
starting to hate that other Jordan. He was kind of a prick.
I was feeling
better about things. I needed to distance myself from the Rinard
bullshit machine. I needed to figure out a way to get Maysie to
listen to reason (well my reasoning of course) that we belonged
together. And I was ready to pave my own way in this mess that I
called a life.
But then I answered
the fucking phone.
“Hey.” I said
shortly after hearing my ex's greeting.
“I just wanted to
see how you were doing. I miss talking to you.” Olivia said
softly. I didn't respond. What was I supposed to say? The truth
was I didn't miss a thing about the awkward tension that had been our
relationship for the last year.
“Yeah.” I said
back. I heard Liv take a deep breath. “Look, Olivia. I'm not
sure what the point of this phone call is, but I think we've said
everything we need to say.” I said, trying to be gentle and not
the raging jerk that I really wanted to be. I felt like every time I
spoke with her it was the same conversation over and over again. I
tried to patient. I tried to be understanding. But I was at the end
of my very long rope.
“I don't think so
Jordan. We still have a lot to say to each other.” Olivia's voice
started to sound angry. I was saved from having to continue with
this particular discussion by the arrival of my band mates. They
loudly entered the house and I was thankful for the distraction.
“Piper! We've
got to practice!” Cole yelled out in way of a greeting.
“Jordan! Listen
to me!” Olivia screeched and I knew whatever she had to tell me
was just going to piss me off. We had never been able to talk about
anything like freaking adults. It always ended up with her screaming
and me wanting to bang my head into a wall.
“Olivia...I
have to go. Like I said, I'm not sure what else there is to say. We
broke up. I'd like to be your friend. But I don't know what else to
say.” I clenched my drum sticks in my hand, thinking about
smacking myself in the face with them for picking up the damn phone
to begin with.
“Friends?
Friends!? Give me a fucking break Jordan! If you think I'm going to
move aside while you start screwing that bitch, you are sadly
mistaken.” She yelled. She was working herself up to blow and I
really didn't need this shit. And she was not going to talk about
Maysie like that.
“Watch it Liv.
You can say what you want about me, but don't bring Maysie into this.
You and me, we had our problems and they had nothing to do with her.
We were broken a long time ago. If I hear you saying shit about
her, you'll have to answer to me. Are we clear?” I growled.
Yeah, I was well and truly angry.
“Jordan, I'm
sorry, I'm just so upset.” Olivia wheedled, her tone instantly
changing. I sighed tiredly. I knew manipulation when I heard it.
And I had hit my mind fuck quota for a life time.
“Look, I”m
sorry you're upset. But we're done here. But I'm serious, leave
Maysie out of it. You have beef with me, not her.” I warned.
“Dude, seriously,
hurry up!” Mitch poked his head into the bedroom where I was
staying. I nodded my head at him.
“I've gotta go.
I think we're done here anyway.” I said.
“Don't you dare
hang up Jordan Levitt!” Olivia's voice rose again. Shit, there
was no easy way out of this mess. So yep, that's exactly what I did.
I hung up the phone just as Liv started threatening me again. Dick
or not, I was over it.
**
The Boogie Lounge
was packed. I smashed my sticks down on my kit, loving this part of
the set when I could really unleash. We had just launched into the
song, Loose Ends and I was going balls to the wall. I had
incorporated this kick ass drum solo toward the end. It was intense.
Sweat poured down
my face and I wiped it away from eyes with the back of my hand as
Garrett took over with this guitar. I couldn't really see the crowd.
The lights were blinding. Right now the people at the foot of the
stage looked like a big shadowed blur.
Cole was
practically mouth fucking the microphone. He was such a fame whore.
He loved the attention. Me on the other hand, I could take or leave
that part of it. I just liked playing music. I mean, it was great
that people liked us and dug our songs. But I would be just as happy
playing in Garrett's basement. It was about jamming with people who
were as into the music as I was. It was about creating something
that I loved.
The rest I could
give a shit about. But the other guys wanted the lime light. Cole
particularly, craved it. So I went along for the ride. I enjoyed
being a part of Generation Rejects, even if the attention was a bit
unwanted at times.
That
had been a source of serious conflict between Liv and me. She hated
the band. Hated my music. She wanted me to have nothing do with the
three guys rocking out on the stage with me. And that was a huge
part of what killed our relationship. Over time, her constant
nagging about giving up the band became too much. So Maysie or no, I
would never have stayed with someone who didn't support something
that mattered so much to me.
We
ended the set with Lost in You, one of our few ballads. I hated
ballads. I particularly hated that ballad.
I had written it two years ago when I thought Olivia hung the
fucking moon. It was pussy song written by a deluded idiot. But the
damn thing had become insanely popular. So now, here I was, forced
to play a song that only reminded me of what a dumb ass I had been.
“Awesome job
tonight, Piper.” Mitch gave me a mock bow and I twirled the drum
stick in my hand. I was burning up under the glare of the
spotlights. I stood up and used the front of my shirt to wipe my
face.
“Thanks man, it
was pretty killer tonight.” I said, moving off to the side of the
stage.
“You know, we
really should take Kyle up on his offer to help us get some gigs.
You're done in May. Summer is touring season. It would be awesome.”
Mitch said, bringing up the old discussion. Mitch, Cole and Garrett
had been tossing around the idea that we should go on the road for a
few months.
Mitch's cousin
Kyle, was a club promoter in Washington D. C. He had heard us play
last school year and liked what he heard. He told Mitch that he
would easily be able to get us some gigs at some clubs where he had
connections. The idea had its appeal. I loved music. There was
nothing I wanted more than to make a living at it. I just wasn't
sold on it. There were too many other variables to consider. Like
my dad, who wanted me to join his accounting firm after graduation.
I rolled my tongue
ring across my teeth. I did it so much I was probably chipping away
at the enamel, but it was my nervous tick. Something I did when I
felt the overwhelming urge to put my fist through something.
Which is what this
discussion made me want to do. Mostly because I was sick and fucking
tired of my dad's asshole disapproval running my life.
“Yeah, I think
you're right.” I finally said, surprising the hell out of Mitch. I
had been the lone voice of dissention and my sudden agreement
definitely came out of left field. But it was my life. And it was
about time I started living it on my fucking terms.
Mitch was a big
guy. I was by no means a small dude. But Mitch towered over me. So
when he dropped his bass and gripped me in a hug, it felt like he was
crushing my ribs.
“Man, seriously,
enough with the hugging shit.” I pushed him off but grinned.
“Did you guys
grow fucking vaginas while we were on stage?” Cole asked, throwing
back his beer. His serious lack of filter made me want to slug him
in the face most of the time. But you had to laugh him off, it was
easier than inflicting bodily harm.
“Shut your
fucking face, Kroegar.” Mitch laughed and Cole's face darkened.
Cole hated Nickleback with a passion that was bordering on crazy and
Mitch enjoyed nothing more than goading our front man.
“I'm
gonna punch you in the fucking balls.” Cole growled, slamming his
beer down on the table. Garrett and I dropped the equipment we were
holding and stepped in between them. A fight between our band mates
wasn't unheard of. Garrett and I usually let them duke it out but we
figured a fistfight in the club, even if it ended with every one cool
again, wouldn't get us a return invite to play.
“Just chill out
you two and load up your shit.” Garrett said, smacking Mitch on
the back of the head and shoving a handful of amp cables at Cole.
“I'm not fucking
Chad Kroegar.” Cole mumbled, wrapping up the cable.
I didn't know
whether to laugh or smack him.
When we were
finished loading up our gear into Garrett's van, we headed toward the
bar to get a drink. And that's when it happened.
Okay,
well the it was
actually her.
Maysie Ardin.
She looked fucking
beautiful as always. She was dancing with Riley and her other friend
Gracie and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The way she moved her
body only served to remind me of what it felt like to touch that
body. To run my fingers along her sleek, wet warmth. Fuck, I was
getting a god damned hard on. I needed to take it down a notch.
But it was hard
when we were in the same room. Hell, just breathing the same air as
Maysie made the urge to grab her and hold on forever impossible to
ignore. So I stood there, against the wall, staring at the girl who
had turned my world upside down. And I ached. A deep in the bones
ache for something with this girl. Something amazing and life
changing.
When she was done
dancing, she walked off the floor and toward the bar with Gracie. I
could see the sweat glistening on her skin and my tongue literally
throbbed with the desire to connect to her flesh. I watched as she
made her way to a dark corner at the end of the bar. She hung back,
almost as though she were trying to make herself invisible. I saw
her glance around the room and I knew she was looking for me.
At first that made
me damn near giddy until I really took in her face. She was
extremely uncomfortable. The way her eyes darted around made me
think of a hunted animal.
Which was crazy
because she had no reason to look like that when it was me that was
nervous and unsure. It was completely out of character for me to trip
over my tongue around a chick. I had never been that way with Liv.
Even when I was knee deep in the unrealistic ideal of her, I never
had this tangled up in the guts feeling I would get around Maysie.
I always thought
love at first sight was a crock of shit invented by guys wanting an
easy way into a girl's panties. All the Shakespearean bullshit about
never knowing love until you saw her was just that...bullshit. That
wasn't real life. It just didn't happen like that.
I had never been
more wrong.
From the moment
Maysie Ardin walked into Barton's I was obsessed. I could admit
that. She was gorgeous. She was funny. I loved watching the way
she bantered with Riley. Or the way she and Jaz would dance to the
music in the bar during their breaks. Hell, I even loved the way she
smoked her cigarettes; holding in the smoke and then slowly exhaling.
It was sexy. It was hot. She was very, very dangerous. Because I
watched her way more than was healthy, even I knew that. I tried to
rationalize these intense, over the top emotions I was having for a
girl I didn't even know that well.
It didn't make
sense. There was no build up. With Liv there had been major build
up. But this was instantaneous. And if I had learned one thing over
the last few months, it was that attraction made zero sense. I
wanted Maysie badly. Fuck me, it was damn near desperate.
I had never in my
life been so consumed with someone the way I was with Maysie Ardin.
And she was
avoiding me.
I could tell by the
way she was hiding off to the side of the bar, that she didn't want
me to see her. She was hoping to go unnoticed. What she didn't
realize is I always noticed her. If she was in a room, then my eyes
would find her. There was no hiding from that.
I moved through the
crowd. Not once taking my eyes from the girl who stood nervously,
chewing her bottom lip.
I came up behind
her. My eyes lazily moved up and down her body, taking her in. She
hadn't realized I was there so I took the time to peruse her at my
leisure. Her smell hit me like a ton of bricks and my dick twinged
in my pants again.
Finally I sucked in
a breath. “Hey, Mays.” I watched as her shoulders tensed and I
suppressed the urge to slam her against the bar and take what I
wanted so much to be mine. The instinct to mark and plunder was
overwhelming. Man, I had to get this shit under control.
“Hey.” She
responded, not turning around. I needed to see her face. So I moved
around until I was looking directly at her. Her head was bowed, her
long hair looking wild and fuck me beautiful. I remember grabbing a
handful of that hair and pulling as I devoured her mouth at the
mixer. My dick was no longer just twinging, it was rearing to go.
“You looked good
out there.” I remarked, waiting to see her eyes. And when she
finally looked at me, my heart freaking stopped. It was those damned
eyes. They got me every. single. time. They were a seduce me brown
that I remembered going hooded with desire. My tongue felt thick as
she looked at me. How can a girl bring me so low so quickly?
We started to
exchange pleasantries, as forced as they were. Hell, even I was
feeling the awkwardness at this point. Then I asked her how she had
been and something changed. My girl went from uncomfortably blase to
raging pissed.
“Just fucking
peachy.” She bit out. What did I say? I frowned, not
understanding the reaction to such a simple question. And then, well
I got sort of pissed myself. Because I had been seriously pining
after this girl for months. Consumed, obsessed, needy. And then she
bit my head off. Girls and their damn crazy thoughts. And us guys
were supposed to understand?
“What the hell
Maysie? It was just a damn question?” I asked in bewildered
irritation. I just didn't get it. And from the look on her face, I
wasn't going to get any answers. She had completely shut down. Her
friend was suddenly beside her and I greeted Gracie with a barely
civil hello.
I stared at Maysie,
wiling her to say something...anything. But she wouldn't look at me.
Finally I gave up, this was going no where. “I've got to get back
to the guys. See you later.” I said. But she still wouldn't look
at me.
So I left her. And
that was the hardest thing I had ever done. Especially when my every
instinct was to hold on to her tight and never let go.
And then it hit me
with sudden clarity. I needed to grab a hold of what I wanted. I
needed to let Maysie know exactly how I felt. Let the chips fall
where they may. Because I wanted that girl in my life. I needed
her. Wanted her to know that she owned every piece of me.
So I ditched the
guys. I was headed to Maysie's and I was going to make her hear me
out.
Awesome! thanks for writing it! I really enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading a guy's POV. Thanks! Btw loooved this book!
ReplyDeleteYour an amazing writer.. This is awesome.. Can we have more Jordan POV's until the whole book is covered.. :) Thank you for this!!
ReplyDeleteEeekk!! I LOVED IT!! Guys POVs can be so much better sometimes! =0) Thanks!!
ReplyDeleteI just finished Bad Rep and loved it. Jordan is delicious...so a big big THANKS for giving us his POV. :)
ReplyDelete